I INTERVIEW #EMERGING! ASSHOLES PART 22: CHRIS TYLER

Chris Tyler is a New York based "performance artist." I'm pretty sure I don't have to tell you that he's an asshole. 

Q. Why are you such an asshole?

A. i don’t rehearse enough.

Q. Who do you hate more: old ladies, puppies or fucking babies?

A. i like fucking babies, so I guess puppies.

Q. Why the fuck didn't you become a doctor?

A. i smoked weed one time.

Q. Does your mother know you are an asshole?

A. sort of.

Q. If you could murder a concept, what concept would it be and why?

A. Q&As*

*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Fuck you.

Q. What shows do you have coming up...oh wait, I don't care so don't fucking tell me. Seriously, don't answer this question.

A. k

Q. Do you know that by being a theater artist, you are automatically an asshole? 

A. lol yah*

*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: So...complete sentences. Not really your thing, huh?

Q. Name 3 people you know who are bigger assholes than you. Feel free to explain or not, asshole.

A.

1. @EmrgingDirekter

2. @EmrgingPlayrite

3. ppl who unfollow @NOTCHRISTYLER

Q. Do you live in Williamsburg?

A. No

Q. Where are you from?

A. idkkk?*

*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Hey, thanks for barely answering the questions!

BONUS Qs, also found on the Lincoln Center Director's Lab Application:

BONUS: What's your favorite application to get rejected from every year and who at that organization is the biggest asshole?

NYTW's 2050 Fellowship*; Benjamin Coffin III.

*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: I have been rejected every year since they started letting white people apply. It really keeps me young! 

BONUS: Do you remember where you were when they announced that Annie Baker and Rajiv Joseph were getting Steinberg Awards for being "up and coming" playwrights last year?

Who?

BONUS: What would be the first thing you would do if you got a NYIT Award?

I INTERVIEW #EMERGING! ASSHOLES PART 21: ERIC "I HAVE THREE NAMES" PRENTICE SHETHAR

Eric Prentice Shethar is a New York based... 

well, I'm not sure. 

But he does theater stuff and things. I see him "around."

 Is he like a young Caleb Hammons? 

Or the world's oldest assistant 

(j/k that's me and it's my only claim to fame so DO NOT try to take it away, thanks)? 

Either way, he's an ASSHOLE.  

Q. Why are you such an asshole?

A. Because I am not here to make friends. 

Q. Who do you hate more: old ladies, puppies or fucking babies?

A. Babies, because their incompetence* and lack of motor skills are unfairly rewarded.

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Why, praytell, if you dislike incompetence, are you in THE THEATER?

Q. Why the fuck didn't you become a doctor?

A. I'd rather just home-wreck one.

Q. Does your mother know you are an asshole?

A. Not a clue- one time I forgot her birthday and she was just proud of me for "keeping busy."

Q. If you could murder a concept, what concept would it be and why?

A. My vision of utopia is a world where I never have to hear a guy identify as a "top" ever again.*

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: I identify as a muffin top. Is that the same? 

Q. What shows do you have coming up...oh wait, I don't care so don't fucking tell me. Seriously, don't answer this question.

A. I'll be understudying Heather Graham as "Emotionally Credible Shrew" in the new Neil LaBute play coming to New York this fall.*

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Damn, I knew I should have been more emotionally credible in my audition. 

Q. Do you know that by being a theater artist, you are automatically an asshole? 

A. Literally who the fuck are you calling a theater artist.

Q. Name 3 people you know who are bigger assholes than you. Feel free to explain or not, asshole.

1. Hitler

2. Any monster who doesn't cry during Jumanji

End of List

Q. Do you live in Williamsburg?

A. For approaching five years now and fun fact many people think that Andrew Rannell's character on Girls was based on me but I was in fact the primary inspiration for Jemima Kirke's.*

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Girls reference = asshole.

Q. Where are you from?

A. The suburban wilds of Massachusetts. It's not as WASP-y as you're imaging- less croquet and cardigans, more heroin. 

BONUS Qs, also found on the Lincoln Center Director's Lab Application:

BONUS: What's your favorite application to get rejected from every year and who at that organization is the biggest asshole?

[insert stale joke about Women's Project Lab here]*

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: I'm offended.

BONUS: Do you remember where you were when they announced that Annie Baker and Rajiv Joseph were getting Steinberg Awards for being "up and coming" playwrights last year?

Honestly, No. Sidebar I think Rajiv Joseph is totally bangable in a "Broadway Bro" kinda way.*

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: I'm offended.

 

  

BONUS: What would be the first thing you would do if you got a NYIT Award?

Line the pockets of a wool coat with stones and walk into a river.*

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: I'm offended.