A. My mother raised me wrong.
Q. Who do you hate more: old ladies, puppies or fucking babies?
A. Fucking babies, man. You know why? They're selfish. And what do you talk about? They don't know anything about arts and culture. Like, what am I supposed to say to them? "Do you like David Lynch movies?"
Q. Why the fuck didn't you become a doctor?
A. Ugh, doctors are the worst. You'd like to think people who care about other people are the ones who become doctors, but actually? It's just over privileged dicks who hunger for power and money. Doctor's do NOT deserve to make that much money. HATE.
Q. Does your mother know you are an asshole?
A. No, my mother thinks I'm rich and famous.
Q. If you could murder a concept, what concept would it be and why?
A. Sincerity. What a bore!
Q. What shows do you have coming up...oh wait, I don't care so don't fucking tell me. Seriously, don't answer this question.
Q. Do you know that by being a theater artist, you are automatically an asshole?
A. So long as I'm not ugly or a nerd, I'm fine. I'm an outlier. Have you ever been in a room with a bunch of random theater artists? it's like being at Penn Station at. Everybody is yellow and coughing and wearing ugly jeans.
Q. Name 3 people you know who are bigger assholes than you. Feel free to explain or not, asshole.
A. Annie Baker, Branden Jacob-Jenkins, Young Jean Lee
Q. Do you live in Williamsburg?
A. Not anymore, but God I miss it.
Q. Where are you from?
A. Who cares? GTFO.