Monday, November 24, 2014

Jen Silverman is a New York based playwright. Clearly this makes her an asshole.* 
*If this bit of evidence is not enough proof of Ms. Silverman's assholic nature, please know that she has been harassing me via social media and email. She is SUCH a colossal asshole, she even sent me interview questions as though I would EVER deign to be interviewed on a blog featuring assholes. (Seriously, Jen. WHAT are you saying?! I'm not an asshole. I'm a mere public servant. So FUCK YOU. I'm performing a fucking SERVICE.)  

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Jen Silverman <>
Date: Fri, Sep 19, 2014 at 6:40 PM*
Subject: Asshole Interview
To: Morgan Gould <>

*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Yeah, that's fucking right. I waited two months to address this assholery. And let it be noted, I did NOT ask permission to post this and I have not warned the offending asshole that I am going to do so. Take THAT, asshole!

1. Malcolm Gladwell says it takes 10,000 hours to achieve mastery of something. Have you spent 10,000 hours becoming the Uber-Asshole*, or are you too lazy?

*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: This blog takes no stance on Uber as a car service whatsoever.

2. Who do you hate more: old lady playwrights, playwrights with puppies or fucking playwrights?

3. Why the fuck didn't you become a cosmetic surgeon?

4. Why the fuck didn't you become an investment banker?

5. Why the fuck didn't you become anything OH GOD ANYTHING of even the slightest use to society as a whole*?


6. If you could murder a playwright, who would s/he be?

7. If you could murder another playwright, who would s/he be?

8. Would you rather: murder all the playwrights OR have to date an actor for more than three months? (Dating includes: listening to their feelings, asking about their feelings, handing them tissues while they discuss their feelings.)

9. What shows do you have coming up? ONLY ANSWER if they involve nudity.

10. Do you know that by being the curator of a blog devoted to assholes, you are precariously close to being a genius*? But like an evil one? The sort that becomes famous (like Gengis Khan!) but cannot be publicly rewarded for their brilliance (e.g.: MacArthur Foundation)?

*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: CLOSE? CLOSE?! CLOSE???? FUCK OFF. You know what? You're fucking CLOSE to being fucking worth my time. Asshole.

11. Name 3 people you know who wish they were bigger assholes than you. Chris Sullivan* doesn't count, as per usual.

*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: I ran into Good Ole Sully and, despite his enthusiastic insistence that he's an asshole, he greeted me with "Hey, how are you?" I was like "Way to make you case, asshole."

12. If you could destroy Williamsburg in one fell swoop, what would be your WMD?
A. Bedbugs with uzis
B. Talking roaches
C. Hipsters become cannibals and consume each other
D. Other (please specify)

13. What ungodly place spat you out, and do they take full responsibility for you?

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