Erin Markey is a New York based singer, comedian, performer, actress, and because of that, she's like 4x the ASSHOLE everyone else is.
#YESALLASSHOLES!
Q. Why are you such an asshole?
A. Because it's the most anxious body part and I am a psychological welcome wagon for those types of feelings.*
NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Probably 'cause you're a woman.
Q. Who do you hate more: old ladies, puppies or fucking babies?
A. Those are the only kinds of creatures I ever want attention from so based on that I would say babies because of the three, it feels most humiliating to get rejected by a baby (of the three.)
Q. Why the fuck didn't you become a doctor?
A. I told people I wanted to be a veterinarian after I went to a Gene Therapy Independent Study Camp for teens at Georgia Tech as a high school student. But once you play Frenchie in Grease*, there's no going back.
NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: I played the fat one. STOP BODY SHAMING ME.
Q. Does your mother know you are an asshole?
A. My mother has commanded me to "CARE" my entire life as a response to my mumbling "I don't care." Hard to know.
Q. If you could murder a concept, what concept would it be and why?
A. This is a trick question being used to identify the biggest assholes and I won't fall prey. My runner up answer was "chair" but essentially it's the same answer because I was too afraid of the trap to be passionately honest.
Q. What shows do you have coming up...oh wait, I don't care so don't fucking tell me. Seriously, don't answer this question.
...
NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: FINALLY. A woman who knows her place and ACTUALLY does not open her yap to answer this question. THANK GOD.
Q. Do you know that by being a theater artist, you are automatically an asshole?
A. I didn't know I was an asshole, I thought I was more of an idiot, but I like the agency that seems to be associated with asshole. As a woman, that's empowering.
Q. Name 3 people you know who are bigger assholes than you. Feel free to explain or not, asshole.
A. Morgan Gould*, Becca Blackwell, Roy Cohn
NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: You're so sexist. I'm the only woman on this list, and it's because I'm powerful and strong and a leader. IF I WERE A MAN, YOU WOULDN'T THINK I WAS AN ASSHOLE. YOU WOULD JUST THINK I WOULD MAKE A GOOD CEO. Such a double standard. I don't know how you live with yourself.
Q. Do you live in Williamsburg?
A. Greenpoint, so yes.
Q. Where are you from?
A. My people are from Michigan. I am too, but also other places like South Carolina and Georgia.
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