Thursday, August 7, 2014

NYC lighting designer Mike Inwood is CANADIAN. 
In America, most would consider him an asshole.

Happy Diversity Week to all our asshole neighbors to the North. 

Q. What's the Canadian word for asshole?

A. American.

Q. Why are you such a whatever that word is?

A. I've lived here for almost 10 years now: it's rubbing off on me. 

Q. Who do you hate more people from Canada, Canadians, or Moose?

A. Moose, but I'd never say it to one's face (have you seen a moose up close? All us Canadians have. They're huge).*

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: In your opinion, is Mike calling me fat?

Q. Why the fuck didn't you become a doctor? Is it because in Canada they don't pay Doctors?

A. In Canada there are no doctors, only socialist death panels (hey, at least they're free).   

Q. Does your mother know you are an asshole? And how does she pronounce the word asshole?

A. She's the most supportive woman you'll ever meet. I could phone my mom right now and tell her I was planning a mass murdering rampage (American-style!) and she'd Fedex me some bullets. Of course, bullets are harder to come by back home.

Q. What shows do you have coming up...oh wait, I don't care so don't fucking tell me. Seriously, don't answer this question. And REALLY don't answer it in fucking Canadian talk or whatever.

A. Those Lost Boys at Ars Nova*. It'll be a real beauty, eh?

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Mike, the asshole Canadian that he is, provided all the links in his own interview. Except this one. This one is alllllll mine.

Q.  Do they have theater in Canada? Or just canoeing?

A. They do have theatre, but there are only 10 theatre professionals and if you want to work you have to wait for one of them to die.

Q. Name 3 people you know who are bigger assholes than you. And you need to explain why, and none of that nice Canadian shit.

A. Stephen Harper, Rob Ford, Don Cherry. You're welcome for the cross-cultural education.*  

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Hey! Hey! This is America! We don't want to be EDUCATED. You stop, asshole.

Q. Do you live in Williamsburg? Or Canada?

A. I live next to a cemetery. 

Q. Where are you from?

A. You haven't been reading very closely, have you?

No comments:

Post a Comment