Hello readers, assholes, and asshole admirers:
We are back to our regularly scheduled assholery. We had our woman slot, our diversity slot, so now we're back to white guys, just like the rest of the American Theater. Phew. Finally. That other stuff was so boring. In honor of this day I give you the biggest asshole on the internet, Adam Szymkowicz.
Adam Szymkowicz is straight, white and a guy.
He's a PLAYWRIGHT who interviews PLAYWRIGHTS.
What an ASSHOLE.
He's a PLAYWRIGHT who interviews PLAYWRIGHTS.
What an ASSHOLE.
Q. Why are you such an asshole?
A. Are you trying to be funny? You know what you should read? The Onion. The Onion is funny. Try to be more like that. Or like Saturday Night Live when it was funny. Or Neil Simon.
Q. Who do you hate more: old ladies, puppies or fucking babies?
A. Fucking babies. I'm a stay at home dad or house husband as we prefer to be called.* Fucking babies!! They're disgusting.
*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Look at this dick trying to seem like he's not an asshole by casually mentioning that he's a fucking STAY AT HOME DAD. FUCK YOU. I know your tricks, and you're still an asshole.
*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Look at this dick trying to seem like he's not an asshole by casually mentioning that he's a fucking STAY AT HOME DAD. FUCK YOU. I know your tricks, and you're still an asshole.
Q. Why the fuck didn't you become a doctor?
A. Too dumb. And I faint at the sight of blood. Why aren't you a nurse? Or like a clown who visits sick kids*. Or like someone who does something useful?
*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: I hope this isn't a Robin Williams jab, asshole.
Q. Does your mother know you are an asshole?
A. Does your mother know you're pathetically trying to cash in on the snark of a selfie generation you're too old for,* flailing your arms all over the internet shouting "Me!Me!Me!"?
*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: EXCUSE ME BUT I AM EXACTLY THE RIGHT AGE TO CASH IN ON THE SNARK OF A SELFIE GENERATION. IT'S MY GENERATION! MINE DAMN IT!!! I WOULD HAVE MORE SELFIES THAN ANYONE EXCEPT I'M FAT SO I HAVE A FUCKING BLOG INSTEAD. WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE, BLOGGER?! FUCKING ASSHOLE. PS My mom doesn't have facebook, so NO, she still loves me. FUCK OFF.
*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: EXCUSE ME BUT I AM EXACTLY THE RIGHT AGE TO CASH IN ON THE SNARK OF A SELFIE GENERATION. IT'S MY GENERATION! MINE DAMN IT!!! I WOULD HAVE MORE SELFIES THAN ANYONE EXCEPT I'M FAT SO I HAVE A FUCKING BLOG INSTEAD. WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE, BLOGGER?! FUCKING ASSHOLE. PS My mom doesn't have facebook, so NO, she still loves me. FUCK OFF.
Q. If you could murder a concept, what concept would it be and why?
A. Meh.
Q. What shows do you have coming up...oh wait, I don't care so don't fucking tell me. Seriously, don't answer this question.
A. Blue.
Q. Do you know that by being a theater artist, you are automatically an asshole?
A. No. I'll believe it when Isherwood says it's true. Or American Theater Magazine.
Q. Name 3 people you know who are bigger assholes than you. Feel free to explain or not, asshole.
Q. Do you live in Williamsburg?
A. I don't know what that is. But I'm not going to look it up.
Q. Where are you from?
A. Pretentious tortured artists land. I hate myself and everybody. Where are you from? Like Woods Hole?*
*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: So as not to confuse my loyal readers, I would like to point out that Adam did NOT think of the name "Woods Hole" because he is clever. It is, in fact, the town I am from. I suppose he finds that amusing, but I wanted to be clear that what he thinks is a level 2 joke, is, in reality, a pun at best.
*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: So as not to confuse my loyal readers, I would like to point out that Adam did NOT think of the name "Woods Hole" because he is clever. It is, in fact, the town I am from. I suppose he finds that amusing, but I wanted to be clear that what he thinks is a level 2 joke, is, in reality, a pun at best.
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