They perform and write and stuff, too, I guess.
Man, what an asshole.
Q. Why are you such an asshole?
A. Because I was molested. Duh.*
*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: So...what are we supposed to do with that? God. Way to make ME uncomfortable. WAY TO GO, ASSHOLE.
Q. Who do you hate more: old ladies, puppies or fucking babies?
A. Babies. Hands down.
Q. Why the fuck didn't you become a doctor?
A. Refer to answer #1*
*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Refer to Note From the Editor 1
Q. Does your mother know you are an asshole?
A. My mother has Alzheimer's. However, at one point she might have thought I was an asshole when I stripped naked in my room, barricaded the door and pissed in a trash can.*
*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Whoa that is just SO ZANY!!! You are just...YOU'RE THE ZANIEST!! You are your DEVIL MAY CARE ATTITUDE and your PLAYFUL SENSE OF DANGER AND ADVENTURE! Were you like, in a frat? You're SO FUCKING COOL. ASSHOLE.**
Q. If you could murder a concept, what concept would it be and why?
A. Just had to look up the word 'concept.' an idea or invention to help sell or publicize a commodity. So, I guess capitalism. Sorry, Dad.
Q. What shows do you have coming up...oh wait, I don't care so don't fucking tell me. Seriously, don't answer this question.
*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: SHUT THE FUCK UP, ASSHOLE.
Q. Do you know that by being a theater artist, you are automatically an asshole?
A. Asshole by only staying in the business after I played the role of "Hair" from the lithographs of Max Ernst that were made into a play based on Grotowski exercises.* In the early 90's.
NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Wow. One of THOSE theater assholes. Guess what, dickhead?? I know who UTA HAGEN is. FUCK OFF.
Q. Name 3 people you know who are bigger assholes than you. Feel free to explain or not, asshole.
A. Anyone offended by my answers, Morgan Gould for asking me to do this, and probably my paternal grandmother.
Q. Do you live in Williamsburg?
A. Greenpoint, the Polish Williamsburg.
Q. Where are you from?
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