I INTERVIEW ASSHOLES PART 7: MATTHEW PAUL OLMOS

Mateo Pablo Olmos es un dramaturgo latino basado en Nueva York. 
Él es sin duda también un gilipollas.

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: You'll note I have translated all the questions for this edition of "I Interview Assholes" into Espanol. This is to foster cross-cultural dialogue, and so Mateo Pablo Olmos' family and friends can actually follow it in their native language. Also, I apologize that this is not a picture of Mateo in a sombrero.

Q. ¿Por qué eres tan gilipollas? 

A. When elder or disabled people take a spill on the street, I away really fast so I don't have to be involved in helping them. 

Q.  ¿A quién odias más: ancianas, cachorros o malditos bebés?

A. Well, i love puppies, and some old ladies still be lookin' GOOD, y'know. so...

Q.  ¿Por qué coño no te conviertes en un médico?

A. The lawsuits would've embarrassed my family. 

Q.  ¿Su madre sabe que usted es un gilipollas?

A. She will when I tag her in this post. 

Q.  ¿Si pudieras matar a un concepto, qué concepto sería y por qué? 

A. People waving to each other; saying "good morning" and "good night" "have a nice weekend" "how was your weekend?!"

Q.  ¿Qué programas de te van a llegarle? ... oh espera, no me importa lo que no puto decirme.

A. I have a one-person show who about my childhood and my family and my experiences and my emotions and my healing...it'll be at the Brick on my birthday. 

Q.  ¿Sabes que por ser una artista de teatro, usted es automáticamente un gilipollas?

A. Yea, but i secretly hate the theater*, so...

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: That's terrible. Is that because you aren't white?

Q.  Nombre 3 personas que conoces que son gilipollas más grandes que tú. No dude en explicar o no, gilipollas. 

A. JJ Perez, Asians, and writers more successful than me. 

Q.  ¿Usted vive en Williamsburg?

A. You bet your ass I do. Right off North 7th. Willy'B Till I Die

Q.  De dónde eres?

A. I was born in a van*, parked in a Save-On parking lot in Inglewood, CA.

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: So exotic! I wish I WAS born in a van! Instead, I was just born in a regular hospital. You're so INTERESTING! I'm jealous.