Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Tommy Smith is a New York/ LA based asshole. 
He also writes plays, too.

Q. 1. Why are you such an asshole?

A. My characters say really racist and sexist things that often get confused for my actual opinion. Then I'm a fucking asshole to anyone who says I'm racist or sexist.*

*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: So...what you're saying is...you're an asshole.

Q. Who do you like better your Mom or your Dad?
A. They're at a dead heat.

Q.  How much money would it take for you to be willing to steal candy from a baby? Literally. Or, how much would you pay someone for the privilege?

A. Depends on the candy. I'll do it for free if it's Haribo.

Q.  If you could fuck anyone in the world and not call them, and then know they just waited by the phone for days for you to contact them, who would it be?

A. My girlfriend.*

*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: I don't know if this is sweet or abusive. Either way, go for it, asshole!

Q.  What do you have coming up artistically?...Oh wait, no. Go fuck yourselves. No one cares what you do, asshole. Don't you dare fucking answer that.

A. *

*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: I'm proud of you.

Q.  Who is the most insufferable theater person on facebook? (Warning: if you say me, I'll change it to someone you're friends with without telling you.)

*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: This is the kind of asshole I aspire to be.

Q.  Name 3 people you know who are secret assholes-names ones we wouldn't suspect, for god's sake!

A. Just three? Their names rhyme with Med Fishblander, Blare-Uh-Full-Cold-A-Witch and Sparin' Firehand.

Q.  What's your relationship with the L train?

A. (Insert snide remark about the L Train)

Q.  Why the fuck are you in theater when you could have actually DONE SOMETHING with your life you selfish fuck?

A.  I know, right? I don't have a trust fund and I'm not related to a celebrity, so I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do.*

*NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: You could always pay $15 for the chance to WRITE AT A WINDOW!!!!

Q.  Be honest, how long did you spend doing this interview? And if you answer more than 3 minutes, you're the worst kind of asshole and you owe me an explanation.

A. 17 minutes while walking.

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